As it is Christmas, I thought I would lighten the mood a little this month and give you a selection of plasterer jokes. Apologies for their corniness!

• What did the plasterer say to the customer? “Tea, two sugars please.”
• How many plasterers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, it’s the Sparky’s job.
• A guy I did a job for recently just rang me. “That wall’s cracking”, he said. “Thanks very much”, I replied. “No”, he said. “It really is cracking.”
• What do you call a plasterer who says he works 39 hours? A liar!

Okay, I’ve saved the best till last.

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, “But you’re a duck!”
“Nothing wrong with your eyesight”, the duck replies.
“And you talk!”

“Hearing’s perfect too. Can I just have my beer and sandwich please. I’m working at the building site over the road and I’m on my break.”
So the landlord serves him and the duck has his meal and leaves. This carries on for a few days and then one day the circus comes to town. The landlord engages the ringmaster in conversation.
“I know this duck”, he says. “He talks and drinks beer and would be great for your circus.”
“Sounds interesting”, says the ringmaster. “Get him to give me a ring.”
The next time the duck comes in the landlord can’t wait to tell him.
“A circus?”, says the duck. “What, one of those with a big tent with a hole in the middle? And clowns and acrobats and lots of exotic animals?”
“Yes that’s right”, says the landlord.
The duck looks confused. “What the hell do they want with a plasterer?”

It’s the way I tell ‘em! Merry Christmas!